i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
there is glitter all over my balls
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
