I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
