you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
