does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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