if only i could text you this smell
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
