and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
