Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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