I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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