There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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