We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
