There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
