if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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