New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
