I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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