yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
