I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
