Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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