You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
