i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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