went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
