Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
