5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
