did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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