So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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