There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
