I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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