I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
