im about as happy as oj after his trial
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
