i always forget guys have bellybuttons
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
