Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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