And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
