? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
