my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
