dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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