did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
