i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we made out on top of his cat.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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