Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
