I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
