i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
