So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
