I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
