So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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