I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He shit in the fireplace
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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