My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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