you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
