just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
