So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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