I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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