Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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