Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
