wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
