I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
