I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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