i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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