why didn't you poke me back
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
