I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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