OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
