we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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